1/20: Friday Night
Ah. Friday night. Straight chillin at home with my man, baby down, house is clean, laundry done. I ain’t got shit to do and man, what a great feeling that is. I get to sit back & relax, enjoy this delicious glass of Cabernet & watch Planet Earth. Sounds pretty damn great.
I don’t know when I crossed over from wanting to go out every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night to wanting to just relax at home in sweatpants and binge watch Netflix. People joke, but that has become my version of a great time! Previously it was all about being seen. Out at the bars & clubs, or at a pregame or afterparty. The bitch I hated had to be there, the fuckboy I liked at the time had to be there (because obviously my confidence was on point that night, along with my outfit & I had the entire argument of what I was going to say planned in my head). Fuckboys included, but not limited to, adorable, free spirited musicians, to sexy, masculine football/baseball players, tall dark and handsome, with plenty of girls in their phones. Basically every sign that said “DO NOT DATE ME” right there for all to see. Oh, and I had to take as many shots as possible, obviously. It was all about who I knew, who I was dating or “talking to” at the time, & tequila.
I guess it stopped when I had a baby. But I really think it happened right before we became pregnant. Or maybe it was when I fell in love with the textbook fuckboy. The tall, dark and handsome football player. The one who had all the girls texting him. The one who said he’d never get married. The one that was supposed to just be friends with benefits. The one who slowly shed his layers & showed the best version of himself. The girl who changed the player. The player who fell in love with the girl. It was magic. Maybe that was the sign that we were more ready than we thought.
This weird, awkward but also incredibly cool phase of my life has been interesting to say the least. I’m young, but I’m 28, so I guess I’m on the ladder side of 25 aka I’m an old bitch now. But I feel younger, like I can still pound shots when I want to (except I drink good tequila now). I also do vodka sodas because its low calorie & better for my health (old). I’m fit & in shape, but my ass isn’t where it once was. Thank god I have great tits (however, also not once where they were thanks to childbirth). We have a child, but we aren’t married, nor are we engaged. But we live together. So what category are we in? Where do we fit in? After all, isn’t that what life is all about? Where we fit in & with who. Where we are in our lives & where we are going? That’s what everyone wants to know, right? But.. what if you don’t know? Is that okay, too?
I think it’s cool if you can just go with the flow in life. Flow with the wind & see where it takes you. Stop stressing about your job, about what Jackie said about you, or what Sarah posted on Instagram, or why Brandon didn’t respond to your text. Just stop. None of that matters! And of the said ‘key life components’ the only one that truly matters is with who. When you find that person you can just sit on the couch with, on a Friday night binge watching Netflix. When you have found someone who just gives you this relaxed feeling, where you can just let go of any tension you have, and breathe not worrying about what’s next. You have dreams, you have goals, you have a vision of what you want your life to be, except now you stop worrying about how and when it’s going to happen, you just have faith because you’ve answered the one important question in life- WHO do you choose to go on this journey with?
And just like that, you have faith in flowing with wind.